Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Getting personal again? Maybe...

Hey guys! I am not even sure if I have regular visitors to actually understand what I am about to write, so I am just going to write briefly so you sneaky strangers would understand what is going on.

I started this blog *checks dashboard* back in 2008, urged by a stranger/friend- yeah I don't really know him, neither have I ever met, but 1 thing for sure he was a man with vision, aside of urging me to actually start a blog (he did it for me- lovely mate eyh?) he is now doing really extremely well in his line of career- he is going to be someone for sure. Back then I was really passionate about things and I was not scared about voicing out my opinions & thoughts and sometimes, personal stories and I guess a tad bit witty at it too. Then, I went through a bunch of phases that turned me zombie ; lovey-dovey phase, stress phase, what am I doing with my life, too lazy too write phase, always busy phase, and so on. In conjunction to that my blog became very indecisive, confused, lost its 'soul- basically it became crap- that even I began to question myself.

and so these past few days and weeks I have been going through some weird turmoil of eureka, epiphany, concepts and sometimes confusions and guilt which really does not help at all. I do not know if it is the coffee I have been consuming on regular basis or my stress or me growing up (very unlikely for this).

So many things going through my mind work and career wise- yes my work now is not my career just yet.Its just me picking up experience, but the amount of workload/ expectation is just ridiculous that though I have enough sleep my body is aching -and this is 2 weeks without gym sessions. However, I kept pushing the limit- what doesn't kill you will make you stronger! Alhamdulillah, things has been really great- things happen of course, but Alhamdulillah things get done and I have learnt to become more bolder to myself.

Being bold, yeah that is the thing I learnt most within these past days- telling yourself what to do, and do it. I have always been the one to runaway from problems & conflicts because I always tell- I do not need drama in my life right now, but I have learnt once I start telling myself- you gotta deal with this, it needs to solved! I realized it is not much of a drama if you put your feet down and stand up to what is right. If you have been doing your job right- put effort into it, people will realize, you will see it- it just projects out of you when you carry yourself and so does Allah and He will award accordingly, maybe not immediately nor directly, but take a step back and watch your life how Allah has planned it all.

Tonite (13th may 2013) I went to a talk (2nd session) of 'IslamSecularism' at UTM. It opened my perspective, actually it opened my heart to see things in another perspective. Alhamdulillah I told myself that evening that I shouldn't make too much excuse in my search for knowledge, self and Islam when my best friend asked if I want to go- I could have easily said no, Alhamdulillah Allah gave me the strength to say yes also with the help of white chocolate iced latte, extra shot, soy. ;)

On another note, a scary incident happened. and Alhamdulillah, nothing serious happened. Alhamdulillah is my only comment and expression- lets not discuss any further; lesson learnt!

In conclusion to all of that, I am saying, maybe I might want to start using my heart and brain again. Hopefully, for a greater good. Insya Allah.

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