This is me:
As a person who values trust and loyalty, I expect the same from others. When I say we are friends I mean it- this does not mean I assume this other person feel the same for me, this is merely a gesture I offer so that the other person knows I value our alliance. However when this other person do express the same (you are one of my best friends, I don't have many friends but you are one of them, I wouldn't forget bout you, trust me, etc.), then and only then do I put trust and loyalty in our alliances. This mutual expression of friendship to me is a mutual unspoken contract into an alliance that binds the 2 people into the duties of friendship.
However just recently, I dropped a hello to an old friend (whom previously had not replied my text twice, to which I assume due to how busy he is). So we had a conversation how things are going and so on and so forth. One of the topic was that he was getting married soon-ish. At first I was excited cos well wedding are always a good excuse to dress up but suddenly something occurred to me, 2 things to be exact:
- Had I not drop a hello, he would not have informed me of this wedding.
- He could not find the time to reply me but definitely have time to pursue a lady friend.
and at that moment it struck me our contract (that I made up in my mind) was breached. I was
pissed hurt. I lashed because all I could think of was those 2 reasons and how insignificant it made me feel knowing I was the last person he bothered to communicate with. I lashed- this is a betrayal and the devaluing of our alliance and then goodbye.
So about over an hour I went over the 7 steps of grief:
- Shock & denial
- Pain & guilt
- Anger & bargaining
- Depression, reflection & loneliness
- The upward turn
- Reconstruction & working through
- Acceptance & hope
Skipping through the obvious, my reconstruction & working through process was- so when you said, I don't have much friend and that I am one of the few... It was just one of those 'added for extra effect only' dialogues. The statement was not said with the usual social contract that is attached to the duties of a friend more specifically friend among the acquaintances.
Then my acceptance & hope process was- so it was all 'just a show'. A contract does not bind if only one side of the partnership agrees or even acknowledges its existence. Thus I should really be careful in trusting these expression of friendships because it may mean a lot to me, but for some it was just an exchange of conversation without any intention of fulfilling the meaning & spirit of that statement.
Worry not, I did say sorry but not without saying it was an asshole move. - yes that is still a very immature way to deal, but honestly it was the 1st time I felt betrayed by a friend *scoff acquaintance really scoff*